It is March now, so lets talk about Former Fattie February, shall we?

So Former Fattie February is over. This is what I look like now:

I took shirtless before and afters, but I think they are misleading. I look almost exactly the same size, if not a little wider. What you can't tell is that I'm just so much firmer. I realized just today that when I make a muscle and squeeze it (which I obviously do all the time) the whole thing is muscle. It used to be "that looks like muscle but most of it is just fat." So its the same size or smaller, but its actually muscle now. Same with my chest.

The pictures did make me the teeeensiest bit scared of getting muscley-fat. I'm not going to worry about it though because I'm just starting TWO-A-DAYS and this week I haven't been a stellar example of nutritional choices. I was so dedicated the first 3 weeks of February so I decided it was OK to loosen the vice I had on own balls. Just in the past week everyone I see who I haven't seen for a bit gasps a little when they see me, so I must be doing something right.

And so I'm not concerned that I weighed in higher yesterday than I did at the first Tuesday of February. I'm not going to freak that I vowed never to go above 160 (after that glorious Thursday when I weighed 159.4) but am now several pounds higher than that. I've been letting myself off the hook a bit by saying, "well hell...if I'm supposed to be eating enough to support GAINING weight, I can eat some more!" That is true, but it works better when it is lean protein or produce that I'm eating, as opposed to late night chips or cookies. Or giant margaritas with giant burritos (we measured...they were in fact bigger than my head.) So...something to work on.

Liz checked in on me recently, knowing that historically when I don't blog, I am usually hiding the fact that I've fallen off the wagon. This time, it wasn't the case. Frankly, I've started to feel good enough about myself superficially that its brought the other parts of my life that I want to work on more into focus. Hooray! Removing insecurities to reveal...insecurities! It actually has been great though, because I've gotten into enough of a routine that fitness isn't occupying all of my brain-space. It is starting to take care of itself. And that has actually allowed me to work on those other things. Sorry if a side effect of that has been neglecting the blog.

So...in summary...I feel great. And I promise on Memorial day to post all four months worth of shirtless pics (if you watch a lot of the crazier P90X before and afters, there is very little noticeale change from day 1-30, but insane change from day 1-90. You'll be getting 1-120ish. Get excited.)

Finally, there is one day a month that I do not freaking care how badly I eat, and that is FREE PIZZA MONDAY at Planet Fitness. I especially didn't feel guilty about partaking this month since I had worked out really hard that morning. And when I got there I banged out the elliptical equivalent of three miles without thinking anything of it. While talking. OK fine...and also while eating pizza: