Not to sound like a terrible movie, but sometimes not completely failing is really winning.

To a certain extent, today I felt like I was losing steam because:

• I know I'm not supposed to beat myself up about yesterday, but I still kinda feel all that food on me.
• Yesterday I decided to do P90X Chest & Shoulders from home, since you really only need to do pushups and use a pull-up bar. I should have gone to the gym, where I was able to sub in back or chest exercises with the weight machines, and most importantly, I was able to use the assisted pull-up machine. That machine allowed me to really max out when doing pull-ups. Instead, yesterday I'd do one or two and then just stand around. I was feeling sore from last Saturday's chest and back workout till about Wednesday. Today, I am not sore from yesterday at all.
• Yesterday's waste-ish workout combined with Friday's rest day just puts me so far away from really hard-core workoutland.

This all combined to give me a distinctly honeymoon-is-over feeling. A few days ago I was beaming about how quickly my body had changed in one week, and was so excited that in only 16 weeks, it would be transformed, just in time for summer. Today, instead I began to wonder...can I do this for 16 more weeks?

This may sound like silver-lining puppies-and-rainbows BS, but even though they haven't been perfect, I'm probably prouder of these past few days than I am of any stretch in my fitness journey. Here is why:

• On Thursday, I was in bed. I did not want to do anything besides go to sleep, but I did Insanity instead.
• On Friday, I went to a place with incredible drinks and incredible appetizers, and ordered a turkey burger and water. OK and Diet Coke even though I've decided it is going to give me cancer, but still. Seriously there were plates of my favorite meals all over and everyone was telling me I could "have some!" I did not. WHAT!?
• Saturday, I may have splurged in the afternoon and not had the best workout ever, but hell, I worked out and inspired my friends to make a totally Former Fattie February compliant dinner as a social event (THANKS LAURAS! I don't think you read FF but thanks anyways.) And I was the only person there who didn't drink.
• Today, Super Bowl freaking Sunday, I had 3 point Whole Foods Turkey Chili for dinner. My family was at a party next-door and I didn't go over. To a certain extent, today was a triumph of knowing my weaknesses and avoiding them. They apparently had 6 foot heros there. 6 foot heros are on my can-not-resist list (along with chicken parm and appetizers.) I will just keep eating them till they are gone. When my mom called to ask if I wanted any leftover heros for my lunch tomorrow, I said no. Honestly, I just don't want to see them. She also (so thoughtfully) saved me a piece of this crumb cake that my neighbor makes that is so delicious I don't trust it. I did not eat it. Also, I did the same Insanity workout that I did in that video, even though I was very near to falling asleep on the couch. So, in summary, on the day I typically eat more than any other day of the year, I definitely burned more calories than I took in.

The real story here is that even when I wasn't feeling amazing and like a kick-ass-fitness-machine, I made good choices. I have had many good strings of days before, only to lose dedication once I stop seeing/feeling immediate results. Over these last few days though, I've decided to take not feeling energetic or fit and turn that into motivation to work harder. Hopefully over the next few days that catches up to me, leaves me feeling fit again, and gives me the motivation I need to press forward.

OK, one final motivating story. I have never explicitly said it on this blog since I'm so self conscious about it, but I will not rest until I am completely free of man-boob. Today, a friend who's done P90X in the past, to great results, but has since stopped came up to me to ask how I was doing. Without warning, he hit my chest to feel for himself (he's grabby.) In that moment where I knew it was coming but couldn't do anything about it, I panicked.

"Whoa!" he said. "SOLID! I think I need to start doing that again! Seriously that is crazy."

Day. Made.

Puppy and rainbows.