Flatlining.

This is my progress (or lack thereof) from this contest.

• 9/14/09: 168.8 lbs
• 9/21/09: 164.0 lbs
• 9/28/09: 165.6 lbs
• 10/5/09: 165.0 lbs
• 10/12/09: 165.4 lbs

I was really grateful to have lost .6 pounds last week because the week before that had been a total adjustment week for me and I had failed big time. I was inspired to kick butt for the next week, with the extra motivation of needing to work out like a crazy person in order to get all of my Whammies. By Friday morning I was back down to 164, tied with my low for the contest and a mere .2 pounds above my all time low. Most importantly, I felt freaking fantastic. At that rate I should have broken a personal record handily by this morning.

But I slept too late Friday morning to allow me to get two workouts in. And so, my hopes of getting all of my whammies this month were dashed. I'm annoyed with myself because I'm doing this for me, not for whammies and not for a bet. And yet, as soon as the whammie-motivation was gone all hell broke loose. I haven't worked out since then. I have had two sets of fast food and an entirely too large portion of a bag of Doritos. I've done shots all over Brooklyn. I went apple picking and got bored of apples, so I went on a mission to find greasy food, and succeeded. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I am trying to figure out how to break this cycle. Here are my thoughts:

• I am starting P90X over. I lose faith in the X because I don't feel like I look any different. But then last week I finally did it for a few days in a row and I felt wonderful. I am going to start over again on Sunday. I want to do this right. That means doing it every freaking day, with the possible exception of Saturdays (the schedule says "Rest of X-Stretch.") Hopefully I feel so much better at the end of the first week that I never want to stop.
• Sundays were a better weigh in day for me. I don't think I'm going to change my official weigh in day, but I'm going to keep my own chart of Tuesday (official weigh in), Friday, and Sunday. If I have to weigh in on Sunday, I will have to be good on Saturday. It used to work great for me.
• Remember that the "I look/feel" awesome feeling goes away quicker than it comes. I have already been weighing in every Thursday or Friday. I have posted big losses from Tuesday every single week. I need to use these weigh-ins / skinny-appearances-in-the-mirror as motivation to do even better. On days like today, I feel like I can never get fitter. On days like that, I need to say, this is working, now burst through that wall rather than letting myself go.
• The last time I broke a wall of a few pounds, everyone and their mother started telling me I looked great. I think I would start getting tons of remarks again were I to lose, say, 5 pounds. That is the best motivation in the world.
• JUST PUSH PLAY. That is a Tony Horton-ism. I just need to freaking do my P90X. No excuses.

I am really trying to look at this as a breaking point. I must snap out of this pattern. Usually when I do a reset, that gives me a few days to make excuses. Not this week. Thursday is our big month 1 weigh in. Between now and Sunday's P90X restart, I think its time to visit with and old friend. Come on, Jillian. If anyone can turn me around, it is you.