Tuesday, January 19, 2010


OK, so I promised to share both up and down, right? Here goes.

At open bars, there is always such a fight to get enough drinks for it to be worth the money. I, however am completely immune to this problem. I find the token-hot-female-bartender, say something sassy, drink my drink amusingly quickly, ask for another and...voila! Hookup for the night! Seriously, I literally stand behind all the guys who are hitting on her, clearly putting me further back in line, and smile at her and she gets me another drink! It is the best!

Problem is, this power goes to my head. I feel like if I'm going to be a bar where there are essentially no dating prospects for me, I should get to lord my gift over my more heterosexual peers. It is all great fun until someone ends up asleep on the LIRR.

On Saturday, I directly promised Liz that I wouldn't make it one of those nights after she agreed to go out with me on ten minute's notice when she had just gotten off the plane from her cruise (Award. Winning. Rally.) Problem was...this bar's token-hot-female-bartender had absolutely no interest in me. HELLO!?!? I'm wearing a tie! I was seriously turing it up so hard but she would not even smile back at me.

I had made Liz a promise...but this woman was challenging my very identity. If I can't win over an attractive female...who am I?

So yea...a few minutes later, she succumbed, bought me a shot, and the night quickly turned into this:
If I had seen that picture yesterday, I could have simply published it here and saved myself a lot of words in my "why am I still working out post." I mean...sometimes I drink and fall asleep with a chalupa in my hand. What of it? And from certain angles I still look 300 pounds.

I am going to go do Insanity. Right this second. In the meantime, you can all enjoy this earlier-in-the-evening photo of me and Liz. Doesn't she look hot in my coat?
And this one is the most stereotypically gay-faced picture I've ever taken, but my jaw line exists in it, so I must post it to counteract the sleeping blob above.
PS: My grandma, who sometimes wobbles when she walks, just called and said, "I seem drunk so I'm thinking of just taking up the drink. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Yes. Yes it does.

PPS: Sometime in the middle of the day on Sunday I burped and thought, "Chalupa?"

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