I punched a danish.
I came home, found a danish on my kitchen counter, and destroyed it with my fist.
Perhaps I should back track.
My whole family is overweight. My mom and I are on weight watchers. My father is pre-diabetic because of his unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise. I'm an only child and often worry about my parents poor habits. I especially worry about my father because he still does not seem to understand the gravity of his decisions. I want my parents to live long healthy lives because they are my family and if I ever lost them well I feel like I'd have no one left.
Anyway yesterday I was having a difficult day. I was really struggling with my eating, exercise, had gained .8lbs, and was exhausted. When I got home, after working and going to class, I found a half eaten Raspberry Danish Twist sitting on my counter. I was so, so angry. Angry at my father for eating half a danish in one day when he is on his way to diabetes. Angry that after a long, difficult day I now had this temptation in front of me. I used that anger and seriously beat the shit out of the danish. (I wish I photographed it to share but in my rage black out that didn't occur to me)
Than I breathed in and out, open my cabinet to find a huge bag of chips, and I flipped out all over again. I took out the chips, put them on the counter, took out a large kitchen knife, and proceeded to stab the bag of chips over and over again.
Finally I threw both items out in the trash, breathed, and had a healthy dinner of brown rice, chicken, and broccoli.
The thing is it felt FANTASTIC to beat the shit out of the food which got me thinking. Now I am considering doing some sort of burning or cleanse. I want to physically, mentally, and emotionally destroy the barriers that I allowed to hold me down in the past. This idea came from a friend who had a really unhealthy relationship with an ex-boyfriend and when they broke up she took all of the letters and stuff and burnt it. She always said it was only of the most cleansing experiences she ever had so I'd like to cleanse my unhealthy relationships with food and self-image.I'm considering writing than burning negative thoughts I say about myself (e.g."You are disgusting") or taking a big mac and crushing it with my hand. I realize that this may sound crazy but I think it may be helpful.