Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Take a Ride on My Emotional Roller Coaster

I want to cry, I want to scream, but most of all I want to give up.
I dont want to do this anymore.
I just feel so frustrated.
I have been working on losing weight seriously for the past two years but more like the past 10. I dont feel like its ever going to happen for me. Instead I should just adjust to living my life as the chubby girl with nice hair and a pretty face.

Even as I'm typing this there is a logical voice inside of my head screaming. Here is what the logical voice is saying:

You have your period.
You are emotional.
You do deserve to look and feel your best.
This is just another test.
The five cookies you ate today are just that- cookies.
Are you going to let 5 (gluten-free) cookies ruin weeks of healthy eating and exercising?
I am going to clean my room, take a shower, and go to bed.
Tomorrow when I wake up I will continue to ask God for strength to stay focused on this journey.

WHOA! So I threw God in there. I don't know what the other former fatties beliefs are but I do believe in a force, whether it be God, Buddha, A Great Spirit, who watches over me and helps me. I think I need that help. Today I came across a bible passage in a book I was reading (I'm not usually big on the Bible but this spoke to me, so I thought I'd share) "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control."
I could use everything on that list but definitely more self control. SO I plan on saying a little prayer for all of us former fatties who need God's help.

1 comment:

  1. Take a look back and see how far you've come. It's a good idea to stop, take a deep breath, rest for a minute(or the night) and know tomorrow's a new day. You got this, girl.